Stan Petrov: Gold Standard

When I was a kid, one of the things that got me interested in football was all the lovely football paraphernalia that you used to to get from the likes of newspapers, packets of tea and of course petrol stations.

I loved my Daily Mirror Goal Action Replay flick books, my Mobil map of the football grounds with club badges to collect and stick on, the collectable cards in PG Tips and I used to love the old football coins you could get...and of course the infamous Panini sticker albums.

We've sort of done the "vintage cigarette card" thing to death this season (and we will do next) so when I was trying to come with suitable graphics to liven up our somewhat predictable villamad.co.uk awards article, it was the old football coins that I revisited to draw inspiration.

Now, I did knock these up fairly quickly, so, pleased as I was with the positive feedback, it came as no massive surprise that some trolls decided they were about as lifelike as the waxworks at Great Yarmouth (at least we know where the trolls were before the Norwich game).

However, even some of the positive feedback was tinged with criticism. "Where was the coin of Stan Petrov?" was the cry. Why no award for our popular and outgoing captain?

It's a good point. We shouldn't have left Stan out!

So, just in time for Petrov Day, I've knocked up a Petrov coin design...and with no expense spared (or spent, I just fiddled with the hue and saturation), it's a gold one!

So here it is:

Stilyian Petrov becomes the first player in our Gold Standard Hall of Fame Gallery, a truly inspirational captain who has won as many plaudits for his conduct and demeanour off the pitch as he has done for his industrious performances on it.

To say that Stan will be missed is an understatement, but as so many former players have discovered in the past, once you're Villa, you're Villa for life and I'm positive we'll still see plenty of Mister Petrov in the future.

Good luck Stan, you'll always be loved at Villa Park

Tales of the Unexpected

It's a bit of a short rant this time because I don't want to keep going over the same ground.

But..

I'm not sure what surprised me most on Saturday. Was it Britain's World Heavyweight hopeful David Price lying in a crumpled heap while serial loser Audley Harrison was launching yet another comeback? Or was it the stunning realisation that the Arsenal game had left me happier with Joe Bennett's performance than the one that Christian Benteke had seen fit to put in?

Can't say I was expecting either event, but having spent much of the week in startled disbelief at the way the South African legal system works, and with the way their police deal with crime scenes, nothing should surprise me.

I suppose the least said about the Pistorius situation the better at this stage, but if they ever make CSI: Pretoria, they'll surely cast The Chuckle Brothers as the lead detectives.

Back to the Benteke question though. Quite why he didn't put in his usual shift is open the question. Fair play, every player can have an off day, however this particular one came after a week of fevered press speculation over the young Belgian's future and against a team that is rumoured to be his childhood favourite. Maybe I should have seen it coming after all.

That said, even a below par Benteke offers more to the team than Darren Bent would have done, had he been fit. He's crocked yet again though, rapidly becoming the modern day equivalent of Dalian Atkinson.

So why am I praising Joe Bennett? Well I'm not really, but you have to give credit where it's due and he certainly seems to be trying harder, putting a foot in and bearing in mind I'd started the game thinking he'd get a complete roasting, I thought he stood up rather well. Indeed, the defensive efforts of our youthful back four even brought praise from John Motson's commentary on Match of The Day. Motty was in admiration of our “stout defending”. Usually when someone mentions stout in connection with our defenders, it's because Dunne's been at the Guinness again.

Arsenal are no great shakes at the moment though. In our situation, plucky displays that garner no points are as much use as a chocolate fire guard. That game was there for the taking yesterday. Yes, Cazorla impressed and Wilshire was good in patches, but The Gunners were tentative at the back and ragged in midfield while Giroud was firing blanks. We should have taken something and we didn't. It was the sort of game that some our fellow relegation strugglers would have taken by the scruff of the neck and wrestled something out of.

And we didn't.

We played some nice stuff going forward again, but we need to start scrapping now too. Fighting tooth and nail for everything.

And we can't.

We don't have the personnel.

When the going got tough, we went into retreat, invited Arsenal on and it cost us big style.

It would be easy too to point the fickle finger of blame at Andi Weimann for losing his man for the Arsenal winner. Except the plucky Austrian had spent fair chunks of the afternoon shredding them down the other end. Plus, in my view, our right back Matt Lowton was getting back with all the urgency of a small child who is being forced to kiss his maiden aunt, the one with the facial hair problem.

So are we doomed? It's going to be a close run thing and I can see the likes of Sunderland getting sucked into the mix but it may actually come down to the last away at Wigan.

And they do know to scrap.

Stop I Don't Love You Anymore

On Texas songstress Sharleen Spiteri's 2008 solo album Melody there's a track I was particularly fond of entitled Stop I Don't Love You Anymore, the title of which pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about Paul Lambert at the moment.

So what has led to this sudden epiphany? What has caused me to stop seeing the man who rode into town to save us from the misery of McLeish through eyes misted by hope and optimism?

Is it our continuing defensive failings? No.

Is it our habit of constantly capitulating from winning positions? No.

Is it our slide to inevitable relegation humiliation because we've been incapable of conjuring a win for a month and half? No.

Is it his inability to strengthen his defensive squad during the window? No.

Is it the fact that he seems to have forgotten how to shave properly? No (but it does seem indicative of a lack of discipline that leads to players slipping out of formation or getting needlessly booked for dissent).

Is it Rosemary, the telephone operator? No

No gentle reader, the straw that broke the camel's back for me was a throwaway comment in the post match presser, when our "leader" was asked inevitable questions about our ability to defend from set plays.

Lambert was quoted as saying 'I am sick of talking about conceding goals from corners'.

Are you Paul?

Are you really?

Well I tell you what sunshine, you're not half as sick of talking about them as we are at having to watch them go in!

You (swear word redacted but it began with “c”)!

Fair play, a lot of us would have taken a draw at the start of the game, but we are not in a position to enjoy that luxury any more. We have to scrap for every single point on offer because with our frightening goal deficit, it could well be that factor that leads to our Premier League demise. We have to scrap and fight from the very first second to the very end of the ninety-sixth minute if that's what it takes.

There were some lovely moments in the match as we counter attacked with aplomb. Matt Lowton seems to have recaptured his joie de vivre, tearing down the right; our Gabby seems to have remembered how to be a striker after a couple of lacklustre seasons under Houllier and McLeish (I suppose we should give Lambo some credit for that); the Beast of B6 struck such fear into the heart of the Everton defence that a clearly traumatised John Heitinga seemed to be a quivering wreck by the time he was withdrawn.

But we know all about quivering wreck defenders don't we?

David Moyes master-stroke was including Anichebe in his front line. Oh, how I wished he'd picked Jelavic. Ciaran Clark was bossed by the big man all afternoon. It would have been a situation that would have been quite easy to rectify. Was there no-one on the pitch to tell Ciaran where he was going wrong? Two words would have been suffice.

“Too tight!”

I was shouting them, if you're astute enough to be reading this blog then you were shouting them, half the pundits in the country were shouting them. Did Ron Vlaar, Villa's captain and Clark's defensive partner shout them? He bloody well should have done! Perhaps he did and Clark thought he was complaining about the size of his jock strap.

I doubt we'll ever find out.

Ciaran's inability to deal with the big man and the constant threat of Fellaini meant that we were on tenterhooks all afternoon. Even with a two goal lead, only the most optimistic Villa fan – or one who hasn't seen us play much this season – would have been confident that we'd close the match out. They don't seem to know how.

When Everton pulled it back to 2-3, the alarm bells should have rung. Keep possession, run it into the opposition corners, make it awkward for the home team and let the clock run down. Simple. Not Lambert's Villa. We seemed intent on bagging a fourth of our own, no matter how reckless the attempt and ignoring the fact that each failure would lead to yet another menacing Everton attack. Ironically, I'd have applauded this cavalier behaviour if we were happily ensconced in mid-table. We're not. We're deep in the sweet and sticky.

Having seen Fellaini's equaliser several times, I wonder if I've been a tad harsh on Ron Vlaar for losing his man. My initial fury that yet another victory had been snatched from our grasp by a late leveller – and from a set piece at that – fogged me to the fact that it had been a bit of deft play from the talented Belgian that enabled him to give Concrete the slip. Credit to the opposition sometimes but it really hurt.

It would have hurt even more if Everton had pulled off a winner and yet again, Villa heads dropped and we looked like rabbits in the headlights as the Toffeemen came a gnat's breath away from nicking all the points.

So where are we now?

Well whatever the deficiencies of Paul Faulkner and Randy Lerner during January, we are where we are. There's nothing an emergency cheque book can do to resolve the situation now. They could get rid of Paul Lambert of course, but anyone coming in would have to work with the same squad of players and admitting they'd got yet another managerial appointment so terribly wrong would be tough to do.

What they could do is bring in someone with a bit more football nous at boardroom level to make these ongoing rickets a bit less likely, pick up some of the slack between the board and the manager and take some of the pressure off a visibly greying Lambert. Not necessarily an ex-footballer but at the very least an administrator steeped in the game. A Steve Stride like figure if you will. Someone like, well, Steve Stride.

Realistically though, Mister Lerner needs to decide whether he really wants to continue with Project Aston Villa. If he does, then he needs a new strategy because the current one doesn't work and is diminishing the value of his investment. If he doesn't, he should be actively seeking a buyer.

As for the on the pitch side of things, even if our trust in Mister Lambert has been tested to the extreme, I think we have to persist in the short term. What even he must see though is that something has to change and the future of his coaching staff must be under review. The problems at the back can't be that hard to fix.

I can sum it up no better than Richard Jolly in The Observer: “Until they can defend a corner, they are unlikely to turn one”.

Critical Condition

Our team will run out at Goodison Park tomorrow to the strains of the Z Cars theme tune. When we run out at Villa Park eight days later, the theme to Casualty may be more appropriate. The patient is critical. Straight to re-suss.

Paul Lambert knew we were short.

Paul Faulkner knew we were short.

Randy Lerner knew we were short.

The transfer window has now closed and guess what? We're still short.

There was no need for panic, but there was definitely a need for action and quick action at that. Put simply, there is now not a snowball's chance in hell that Aston Villa can retain their Premier League status with the defensive staff at Lambert's disposal. Bringing in at least one, but more realistically two experienced Premier League defenders wasn't a “nice to have”. It was a necessity.

That's not to decry the two players that Lambert has brought in. Yacoubu Sylla could well develop into a great Premier League player but that's the key point really. Even if he's the best thing since croissants for breakfast in Ligue 2, he'll need to time to adapt to life in the Premier League and ideally, confident defensive and midfield players around him to help him adapt. We haven't got that time and we haven't got those players. So brittle is our back line at the moment that any mistakes Sylla makes – and with the best will in the world, he's bound to make some – will likely lead to goals against. Some of us will turn on him.

We do that.

Simon Dawkins does look to be an exciting flair player looking to get his career back on track. I've not got a problem with that but Lambert doesn't seem overly keen on playing with width and in any case, I think we already had plenty of flair of going forward. If Dawkins works out he gives another option but I think this is a “nice to have”. I've had a butchers at some of his goals on You Tube and I'm looking forward to seeing him in the claret and blue, but the Earthquakes were a confident high flying, table topping outfit. Poor Simon may find it difficult to display his undoubted talents in a side under the cosh.

There was duty in January for the custodians of Aston Villa Football Club to take appropriate action to safeguard our Premier League future. As for as I can see such action has not been taken.

And now, dear readers, a confession.

I really enjoyed the second half against Newcastle. Okay, the penalty should never have been given and we didn't actually score in open play, but seeing wave upon wave of Villa attacks towards a highly emotional and increasingly noisy Holte End is how I got hooked in the first place.

I'm sick of using the phrase “game of two halves” in these columns but it keeps happening. The reason it happened this time was Lambert's inexplicable first half team selection. In the first half it wasn't a back three supplemented by wing backs, it was a flat back five. Against Newcastle? A team that hadn't won away all season? REALLY?

Barry Bannan in an overrun midfield was particularly bad, but every player goes through a run of bad form and at least he didn't try to hide. Unfortunately, Barry was subjected to negative chanting from a section of our own support. I'd be lying if I said I didn't concur with the sentiment of some of the chanting but I completely fail to see how it could possibly have helped the situation. Somehow, we need to suppress our anger while the game is going on and offer encouragement rather than derision when the ball is in play. If ever there was a need to pull together it's now.

I was also dismayed to see that Darren Bent had been selected. I really like Darren Bent but we need to select our forward line on current form and I'd have picked either Gabby or more preferably Andi Weimann ahead of him. Darren Bent is great in a confident flowing team but a liability in a backs-to-the-wall one. The ball watchers amongst you will have missed this, but have a look next time and see how Andi harries and works defenders when he's off the ball, depleting their energy while Bent just stands there like he's waiting for a taxi.

The second half changes, removing Bent and the risible Joe Bennett were just what the Doctor ordered. Nathan Baker did as good as job any of other players we've tried at left back this season, while the introduction of Gabby's  pace and Weimann's tenacity gave Newcastle all sorts of problems at the back.

Better still though, we had loads of the ball. Had it not been for the two goals we'd conceded in the first half (and to be fair, one of them was a cracker), we'd have had a chance here.

Hang on though. This was Newcastle. A struggling side trying to bed in a load of new signings. A side that never wins away.

And they won.

Away.

Paul Lambert spoke of a standing ovation. We tend to stand up at the end Paul. It's because we're on our way home. I don't blame the players for this one (stop jumping up and down and shouting “but Bannan was shit”) I blame Lambert pure and simple. Not for the first time this season he got his tactics totally wrong and by the time he moved to rectify the situation, it was too late.

The frustrating thing is that I can still see what he's trying to do and when he gets our offensive play right, it's still a joy to watch.

The bottom line is that his defence just isn't good enough.

Not good enough for Aston Villa.

Not good enough for the Premier League.

Paul Lambert's double failure to fix it either on the training pitch or in the transfer market will no doubt be his B6 epitaph because frankly, this state of affairs shows that he's not good enough for Aston Villa either.

Please prove me wrong Mister Lambert.

For all our sakes.

Ignominy

Three games in seven days that would shape our season. We always knew it would be a big ask for it all to come out okay. As it turns out, pretty much none of it did.

Just like the Albion game, the Bradford showdown turned out to be a game of two halves, with Villa in rampant attacking mood in the first half. It's a really pity that we couldn't have converted this into more goals, because things could have been so different if we had. The problem was that all heart left our side once Bradford scored. The lack of leadership on the pitch is reaching crisis point and anyone who thought that Ron Vlaar was going to be the talisman to take us out of the mire got a swift reality check.

The ignominy of being knocked out by a League Two team when Wembley was in touching distance was hard to take, but at least we'd had two weeks to get used to the idea. The tepid, uncreative (aside from N'Zogbia) and defensively inept excuse for a performance against Millwall was the real slap in the face.

You don't have to be a skilled tactician with all your UEFA coaching badges to work out how to beat Paul Lambert's Aston Villa. Schoolboys have sussed it out. If it's so obvious to everyone watching what the defensive frailties are, why is it taking so long to sort them out? I'm really sorry to say this, I am, but the answer has to be that Lambert doesn't know how to. We've had over a month now in which the defence has been truly woeful and nothing, NOTHING, seems to be being done to address it. Well, nothing that actually bloody works.

I may not have been Stephen Warnock's greatest fan, but I can't recall him being as positionally naïve as Enda Stevens, as clumsy as Eric Lichaj or as shit as Joe Bennett. Yet, he's forced to train with the academy while this defensive mayhem continues. By all means exile him if he's not good enough, but at least replace him with someone better, not worse.

Don't worry though, say some, Richard Dunne is coming back! Some people have got really short memories.

Some players are rallying to the cause. Weimann, N'Zogbia and Delph are all showing signs that they realise how serious this is and are playing some exciting and creative stuff, but we've such a lack of depth that when these players have to be withdrawn, their replacements just can't hack it. Barry Bannan and Stephen Ireland get chance after chance and have proved that they are incapable of consistent performances . However, sorting out the midfield can wait until the summer. We have to build from the back.

It looks as though we are not going to bring in any fresh blood as the transfer window clocks counts down. This is a desperate state of affairs because the current incumbents of our back line have relentlessly shown that they are not good enough for either Premier League football or indeed, in my opinion, the Championship. Unless we buy at least two quality players to steady the ship then we are going to be relegated, no question about it.

And we're not going to.

Someone at the Bradford game, obviously fuming with anger suggested “I'd rather have McLeish back”. I couldn't agree with that but Paul Lambert needed to answer the big question as to whether or not he was good enough to manage Aston Villa and not with words but by the way his team performed on the pitch this week.

I fear we have our answer.  

Help! We need somebody!

Game of two halves wasn't it? Over the moon in the first half, sick as a parrot in the second.

Expect plenty more clichés like that on this site.

Oh what to rant about this week? What went so spectacularly right, or what went spectacularly wrong? In fact the two are completely interlinked. We have exciting - hairs-up-on-the-back-of-the-neck exciting – forward players but they are also forward players who haven't got a flaming clue defensively. That's not to say they are being lazy. When ordered to, they do try to do their bit. They are just spectacularly bad at it.

Three “spectacularlys” in one paragraph. I'm on fire today!

N'Zogbia's resurgence since being placed in the hole has been encouraging and for those of us who had written him off as a lazy winger happy to sit on the bench and take the salary, it has been a revelation. Yet Charlie's loud proclamation that attack is the best form of defence will only take you so far. The opposition will attack sometimes, quite a lot if we've got Barry Bannan on the pitch to give them loads of possession.

There is our issue, we can afford one striker that is useless at defending, just leave that one up-field, but more than one and you've got a serious conundrum. This is the main reason why Lambert is so loathe to have Bent and Benteke on the pitch at the same time and the reason why playing The Beast and N'Zog in the same team is also problematic.

As Albion came out for the second half playing like demons and we were forced onto the back foot (has the art of shouting “defence out” completely disappeared, how deep did we get?), Lambert may well have thought his hand was forced. The swapping of N'Zog for Holman was sort of understandable. There's a “but” though. I still thought our best chance of keeping the three points was more goals. I'd resigned myself to the inevitability that we'd leak at the back but I still wanted Charlie on that pitch, providing the bullets for Gabby and the Belgian to fire.

So as the match continued, I found myself getting angry at Brett Holman, not for anything he was doing wrong but purely for not being N'Zogbia. This is hardly fair, but it's hard to get angry with Lambert's tactics when you sort of know what he's trying to do (I still managed this feat though).

The free header which assisted the equaliser was entirely Benteke's fault and maybe the answer is just to try and teach our flair players a bit more defensive technique, mind you our defenders could do with a spot of that. Towards the end of the game, I received a text from a mate saying “How shit is Lowton”. Shit or out of position? Rubbish or losing self confidence? I think he'll develop into a fine right back, but he is still developing and in the dire straits in which we remain, every little mistake is put under the microscope.

The biggest disappointment about Saturday to me was losing Fabian Delph when he was having one of his best games in a Villa shirt. If no new signings are coming then we need players like him to rise to the occasion and he certainly did, about time but credit where credit is due. Can't say the same about Barry Bannan unfortunately, but Westwood played some lovely stuff at times.

I saw plenty to build on in this match, it really isn't all doom and gloom, but the fact remains that this squad needs help and it needs it now. Two more solid pros would make all the difference at the minute. Even if we have to pay a tad over the odds to get them, it's got to be cheaper than relegation.

Stay Away from that Trap Door...

If I said that the latest debacle was a disappointment, that wouldn't be quite true. I was expecting it. If we're honest with ourselves, the vast majority of us were.

There's no joy in visiting Villa Park any more (unless you're an away fan). Goals (for) are becoming as rare as hen's teeth and wins even rarer.

Yes, we could bleat about the penalty that wasn't but I am not gonna put Halsey on the rack over that one. He doesn't get multiple replays from fifteen angles, he has to make a decision live and on the spot. From my angle on the Holte, seeing it live, it had looked like a stonewall pen. Mistakes happen. I'm not going to castigate a referee for making a mistake that I would have made even while looking out of one eye through my claret and blue sunglasses.

The lack of on-pitch discipline is not only apparent in the positional sense of our defenders and midfield but also in the petulant behaviour of one Andreas Weimann, who spent so much of Saturday's match ranting and railing at the officials that I did wonder whether he'd had a bet on himself to get sent off. It's not the first time this season he has failed to keep his emotions in check. Pick up bookings for committed challenges by all means but please don't end up suspended for being an irresponsible gobshite.

What is clear is this, it's really hard to shout “we was robbed” when faced with yet another inept display against a one of the poorest teams in the division. Benteke missing an open goal at the end was a blow but a bigger one was the entire performance, an inability to pull out of a tailspin that is as crushing to the spirits of the claret and blue faithful as it is to the reputations of the so-called “professionals” involved.

We can all scream at Randy for more funds but it's not difficult to understand his reticence. We were among the bigger spenders in the summer but because the balance between building for the future and shoring up for the present was skewed in the wrong direction, this imbalance has to be addressed without delay. It may stick in Randy's craw and he may see it as good money after bad but the fact is, if he doesn't spend now, if he doesn't back the manager before the window slams shut, the value of the investment already made will diminish even quicker than our goal difference did over Christmas.

Money isn't the only issue though. Does Paul Lambert have the right players in his cross-hairs if the money is forthcoming? We have no choice than to trust that he does. After all, I still think that Vlaar and Benteke were great signings, I'm still perplexed as to why El Ahmadi has struggled to find his feet at Prem level, I believe Westwood can make the grade – if this season doesn't traumatise him too much – and we can always blame Holman on McLeish. (I've not given up on Holman yet, I'm just not sure that he hasn't given up on himself).

Some people seem to think that bringing back Ron Vlaar to our crumbling back line is the answer to all our prayers, blissfully ignoring the fact that we were still vulnerable at the back even while benefiting from his heroics. Some say Dunne could also be our knight in shining armour, but he was starting to look ring rusty even before this incredibly lengthy lay off and it would be a big ask to expect him to be our season's saviour.

I genuinely thought that Saturday was our last chance. We now face three games in just seven days, a schedule our creaking squad is hardly in a condition to cope with. Albion's stunning late capitulation to Reading will only make them all the keener to put us to the sword and I fear it will prove painful to watch. I can't see us doing enough to overturn the deficit against Bradford and we'll presumably be struggling for fit and unsuspended players by the time the trip to Millwall comes around. Then we face Newcastle in another must win home league game.

Confident?

Me neither.