Tales of the Unexpected

It's a bit of a short rant this time because I don't want to keep going over the same ground.

But..

I'm not sure what surprised me most on Saturday. Was it Britain's World Heavyweight hopeful David Price lying in a crumpled heap while serial loser Audley Harrison was launching yet another comeback? Or was it the stunning realisation that the Arsenal game had left me happier with Joe Bennett's performance than the one that Christian Benteke had seen fit to put in?

Can't say I was expecting either event, but having spent much of the week in startled disbelief at the way the South African legal system works, and with the way their police deal with crime scenes, nothing should surprise me.

I suppose the least said about the Pistorius situation the better at this stage, but if they ever make CSI: Pretoria, they'll surely cast The Chuckle Brothers as the lead detectives.

Back to the Benteke question though. Quite why he didn't put in his usual shift is open the question. Fair play, every player can have an off day, however this particular one came after a week of fevered press speculation over the young Belgian's future and against a team that is rumoured to be his childhood favourite. Maybe I should have seen it coming after all.

That said, even a below par Benteke offers more to the team than Darren Bent would have done, had he been fit. He's crocked yet again though, rapidly becoming the modern day equivalent of Dalian Atkinson.

So why am I praising Joe Bennett? Well I'm not really, but you have to give credit where it's due and he certainly seems to be trying harder, putting a foot in and bearing in mind I'd started the game thinking he'd get a complete roasting, I thought he stood up rather well. Indeed, the defensive efforts of our youthful back four even brought praise from John Motson's commentary on Match of The Day. Motty was in admiration of our “stout defending”. Usually when someone mentions stout in connection with our defenders, it's because Dunne's been at the Guinness again.

Arsenal are no great shakes at the moment though. In our situation, plucky displays that garner no points are as much use as a chocolate fire guard. That game was there for the taking yesterday. Yes, Cazorla impressed and Wilshire was good in patches, but The Gunners were tentative at the back and ragged in midfield while Giroud was firing blanks. We should have taken something and we didn't. It was the sort of game that some our fellow relegation strugglers would have taken by the scruff of the neck and wrestled something out of.

And we didn't.

We played some nice stuff going forward again, but we need to start scrapping now too. Fighting tooth and nail for everything.

And we can't.

We don't have the personnel.

When the going got tough, we went into retreat, invited Arsenal on and it cost us big style.

It would be easy too to point the fickle finger of blame at Andi Weimann for losing his man for the Arsenal winner. Except the plucky Austrian had spent fair chunks of the afternoon shredding them down the other end. Plus, in my view, our right back Matt Lowton was getting back with all the urgency of a small child who is being forced to kiss his maiden aunt, the one with the facial hair problem.

So are we doomed? It's going to be a close run thing and I can see the likes of Sunderland getting sucked into the mix but it may actually come down to the last away at Wigan.

And they do know to scrap.

Stop I Don't Love You Anymore

On Texas songstress Sharleen Spiteri's 2008 solo album Melody there's a track I was particularly fond of entitled Stop I Don't Love You Anymore, the title of which pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about Paul Lambert at the moment.

So what has led to this sudden epiphany? What has caused me to stop seeing the man who rode into town to save us from the misery of McLeish through eyes misted by hope and optimism?

Is it our continuing defensive failings? No.

Is it our habit of constantly capitulating from winning positions? No.

Is it our slide to inevitable relegation humiliation because we've been incapable of conjuring a win for a month and half? No.

Is it his inability to strengthen his defensive squad during the window? No.

Is it the fact that he seems to have forgotten how to shave properly? No (but it does seem indicative of a lack of discipline that leads to players slipping out of formation or getting needlessly booked for dissent).

Is it Rosemary, the telephone operator? No

No gentle reader, the straw that broke the camel's back for me was a throwaway comment in the post match presser, when our "leader" was asked inevitable questions about our ability to defend from set plays.

Lambert was quoted as saying 'I am sick of talking about conceding goals from corners'.

Are you Paul?

Are you really?

Well I tell you what sunshine, you're not half as sick of talking about them as we are at having to watch them go in!

You (swear word redacted but it began with “c”)!

Fair play, a lot of us would have taken a draw at the start of the game, but we are not in a position to enjoy that luxury any more. We have to scrap for every single point on offer because with our frightening goal deficit, it could well be that factor that leads to our Premier League demise. We have to scrap and fight from the very first second to the very end of the ninety-sixth minute if that's what it takes.

There were some lovely moments in the match as we counter attacked with aplomb. Matt Lowton seems to have recaptured his joie de vivre, tearing down the right; our Gabby seems to have remembered how to be a striker after a couple of lacklustre seasons under Houllier and McLeish (I suppose we should give Lambo some credit for that); the Beast of B6 struck such fear into the heart of the Everton defence that a clearly traumatised John Heitinga seemed to be a quivering wreck by the time he was withdrawn.

But we know all about quivering wreck defenders don't we?

David Moyes master-stroke was including Anichebe in his front line. Oh, how I wished he'd picked Jelavic. Ciaran Clark was bossed by the big man all afternoon. It would have been a situation that would have been quite easy to rectify. Was there no-one on the pitch to tell Ciaran where he was going wrong? Two words would have been suffice.

“Too tight!”

I was shouting them, if you're astute enough to be reading this blog then you were shouting them, half the pundits in the country were shouting them. Did Ron Vlaar, Villa's captain and Clark's defensive partner shout them? He bloody well should have done! Perhaps he did and Clark thought he was complaining about the size of his jock strap.

I doubt we'll ever find out.

Ciaran's inability to deal with the big man and the constant threat of Fellaini meant that we were on tenterhooks all afternoon. Even with a two goal lead, only the most optimistic Villa fan – or one who hasn't seen us play much this season – would have been confident that we'd close the match out. They don't seem to know how.

When Everton pulled it back to 2-3, the alarm bells should have rung. Keep possession, run it into the opposition corners, make it awkward for the home team and let the clock run down. Simple. Not Lambert's Villa. We seemed intent on bagging a fourth of our own, no matter how reckless the attempt and ignoring the fact that each failure would lead to yet another menacing Everton attack. Ironically, I'd have applauded this cavalier behaviour if we were happily ensconced in mid-table. We're not. We're deep in the sweet and sticky.

Having seen Fellaini's equaliser several times, I wonder if I've been a tad harsh on Ron Vlaar for losing his man. My initial fury that yet another victory had been snatched from our grasp by a late leveller – and from a set piece at that – fogged me to the fact that it had been a bit of deft play from the talented Belgian that enabled him to give Concrete the slip. Credit to the opposition sometimes but it really hurt.

It would have hurt even more if Everton had pulled off a winner and yet again, Villa heads dropped and we looked like rabbits in the headlights as the Toffeemen came a gnat's breath away from nicking all the points.

So where are we now?

Well whatever the deficiencies of Paul Faulkner and Randy Lerner during January, we are where we are. There's nothing an emergency cheque book can do to resolve the situation now. They could get rid of Paul Lambert of course, but anyone coming in would have to work with the same squad of players and admitting they'd got yet another managerial appointment so terribly wrong would be tough to do.

What they could do is bring in someone with a bit more football nous at boardroom level to make these ongoing rickets a bit less likely, pick up some of the slack between the board and the manager and take some of the pressure off a visibly greying Lambert. Not necessarily an ex-footballer but at the very least an administrator steeped in the game. A Steve Stride like figure if you will. Someone like, well, Steve Stride.

Realistically though, Mister Lerner needs to decide whether he really wants to continue with Project Aston Villa. If he does, then he needs a new strategy because the current one doesn't work and is diminishing the value of his investment. If he doesn't, he should be actively seeking a buyer.

As for the on the pitch side of things, even if our trust in Mister Lambert has been tested to the extreme, I think we have to persist in the short term. What even he must see though is that something has to change and the future of his coaching staff must be under review. The problems at the back can't be that hard to fix.

I can sum it up no better than Richard Jolly in The Observer: “Until they can defend a corner, they are unlikely to turn one”.

Critical Condition

Our team will run out at Goodison Park tomorrow to the strains of the Z Cars theme tune. When we run out at Villa Park eight days later, the theme to Casualty may be more appropriate. The patient is critical. Straight to re-suss.

Paul Lambert knew we were short.

Paul Faulkner knew we were short.

Randy Lerner knew we were short.

The transfer window has now closed and guess what? We're still short.

There was no need for panic, but there was definitely a need for action and quick action at that. Put simply, there is now not a snowball's chance in hell that Aston Villa can retain their Premier League status with the defensive staff at Lambert's disposal. Bringing in at least one, but more realistically two experienced Premier League defenders wasn't a “nice to have”. It was a necessity.

That's not to decry the two players that Lambert has brought in. Yacoubu Sylla could well develop into a great Premier League player but that's the key point really. Even if he's the best thing since croissants for breakfast in Ligue 2, he'll need to time to adapt to life in the Premier League and ideally, confident defensive and midfield players around him to help him adapt. We haven't got that time and we haven't got those players. So brittle is our back line at the moment that any mistakes Sylla makes – and with the best will in the world, he's bound to make some – will likely lead to goals against. Some of us will turn on him.

We do that.

Simon Dawkins does look to be an exciting flair player looking to get his career back on track. I've not got a problem with that but Lambert doesn't seem overly keen on playing with width and in any case, I think we already had plenty of flair of going forward. If Dawkins works out he gives another option but I think this is a “nice to have”. I've had a butchers at some of his goals on You Tube and I'm looking forward to seeing him in the claret and blue, but the Earthquakes were a confident high flying, table topping outfit. Poor Simon may find it difficult to display his undoubted talents in a side under the cosh.

There was duty in January for the custodians of Aston Villa Football Club to take appropriate action to safeguard our Premier League future. As for as I can see such action has not been taken.

And now, dear readers, a confession.

I really enjoyed the second half against Newcastle. Okay, the penalty should never have been given and we didn't actually score in open play, but seeing wave upon wave of Villa attacks towards a highly emotional and increasingly noisy Holte End is how I got hooked in the first place.

I'm sick of using the phrase “game of two halves” in these columns but it keeps happening. The reason it happened this time was Lambert's inexplicable first half team selection. In the first half it wasn't a back three supplemented by wing backs, it was a flat back five. Against Newcastle? A team that hadn't won away all season? REALLY?

Barry Bannan in an overrun midfield was particularly bad, but every player goes through a run of bad form and at least he didn't try to hide. Unfortunately, Barry was subjected to negative chanting from a section of our own support. I'd be lying if I said I didn't concur with the sentiment of some of the chanting but I completely fail to see how it could possibly have helped the situation. Somehow, we need to suppress our anger while the game is going on and offer encouragement rather than derision when the ball is in play. If ever there was a need to pull together it's now.

I was also dismayed to see that Darren Bent had been selected. I really like Darren Bent but we need to select our forward line on current form and I'd have picked either Gabby or more preferably Andi Weimann ahead of him. Darren Bent is great in a confident flowing team but a liability in a backs-to-the-wall one. The ball watchers amongst you will have missed this, but have a look next time and see how Andi harries and works defenders when he's off the ball, depleting their energy while Bent just stands there like he's waiting for a taxi.

The second half changes, removing Bent and the risible Joe Bennett were just what the Doctor ordered. Nathan Baker did as good as job any of other players we've tried at left back this season, while the introduction of Gabby's  pace and Weimann's tenacity gave Newcastle all sorts of problems at the back.

Better still though, we had loads of the ball. Had it not been for the two goals we'd conceded in the first half (and to be fair, one of them was a cracker), we'd have had a chance here.

Hang on though. This was Newcastle. A struggling side trying to bed in a load of new signings. A side that never wins away.

And they won.

Away.

Paul Lambert spoke of a standing ovation. We tend to stand up at the end Paul. It's because we're on our way home. I don't blame the players for this one (stop jumping up and down and shouting “but Bannan was shit”) I blame Lambert pure and simple. Not for the first time this season he got his tactics totally wrong and by the time he moved to rectify the situation, it was too late.

The frustrating thing is that I can still see what he's trying to do and when he gets our offensive play right, it's still a joy to watch.

The bottom line is that his defence just isn't good enough.

Not good enough for Aston Villa.

Not good enough for the Premier League.

Paul Lambert's double failure to fix it either on the training pitch or in the transfer market will no doubt be his B6 epitaph because frankly, this state of affairs shows that he's not good enough for Aston Villa either.

Please prove me wrong Mister Lambert.

For all our sakes.